So after a very long break from higher education, I decided to go back. With thoughts of career advancement and opportunities in mind, I took the plunge. One day while I was sitting in a graduate course style teacher professional development it hit me, like a ton of bricks --I should go back to school and get a Masters degree. Of course I thought about all of the benefits and not the pitfalls. I daydreamed about it will help me in my professional life-- or so I hear. Even though my district no longer pays you more based on the amount of degrees you have. According to them they don't believe that it will make the kids smarter. I believe otherwise. But what do I know? I only have a BA.
Anyway, after a much needed mental break I enrolled in school. I figured hey, I can do this. I have been teaching for six years. I've got my routine down. I know my curriculum and my kids have been in school for two years now-- we've got a solid routine there. Hubby usually gets home late in the winter so I will still have time to take care of him. So yea, we're good. In an effort to get my feet wet I enrolled in a 6 credit graduate summer course. When I told Mia and Laila my two girls that Camp Mommy was going to be postponed they weren't happy about it. A part of me was sad because I really look forward to Camp Mommy. But our summer fun isn't cancelled, it's just postponed for 3 weeks. Jay, aka hubby was a little concerned about my going back to school-- for financial reasons of course and the time I won't be able to spend with the family. But when I told him that going to school meant I didn't have to pay that hefty student loan bill for a little while. He thought it was a solid move.
Now, I'm two days in to my Writing Studies graduate program and I want to jump out of the nearest window. I don't know what I was thinking about. I don't know why I thought this was going to be easy peasy because it was in the summer. It's not that the class is particularly hard or the coursework is unbearable or the professor is a nightmare. In fact, its none of the above. It's all in my head and my mindset. I have to shift from being teacher, wife and mommy. To now being, teacher (on summer break but still thinking about and planning my lessons for next year), a wife and mommy. At no point before now did I feel apprehensive. There was never a moment when I ever thought, hmm, this is going to be hard. How am I going to do this? Boy has reality slapped me across my ambitious face.
I think the most difficult part is finding the time to study at home. Once I walk in the door and put on my mommy/wife hat. I can't take it off and put on my student hat. The good thing though, is that I am hopeful. I am not ready to literally jump out of the window or throw in the towel. But I do need a plan. A better plan for how to spend my time. I will make it work, I have to. Money has already been spent. So much like my summer plan to start working out and losing weight, (which is still just that, a plan) I will plan to be successful in my studies and keep my household running-- because well, I have to.
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